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The first sentences from my last five stories.
Seth and I arrived at the church late with our luggage still in the trunk, having missed our connection at Washington Airport. (untitled)
I woke up gasping in a silent house--and immediately felt the cool touch of metal at my throat. (Within the City of the Swan)
The blood empath came when my niece was eight. (By Bargain and By Blood)
Even seen from afar, the Mexica District in Fenliu was distinctive: tall, white-washed buildings clashing with the glass-and-metal architecture of the other skyscrapers. (Butterfly, Falling at Dawn)
"They say you are the one to see to track down a missing person," the woman said, pulling to her the only chair in my office. (The Lost Xuyan Bride)
Still some progress to be made :)
February 28 2007, 19:33:09 UTC 5 years ago
Plus, this is a good idea! I'll play too.
February 28 2007, 19:53:44 UTC 5 years ago
March 1 2007, 01:19:29 UTC 5 years ago
March 1 2007, 06:43:58 UTC 5 years ago
But yeah, they don't :)
Plus, this is a good idea! I'll play too.
Yay!
February 28 2007, 19:49:57 UTC 5 years ago
March 1 2007, 06:44:52 UTC 5 years ago
February 28 2007, 20:10:50 UTC 5 years ago
The second one is very good. Grabby but not over the top; some people try to cram to much action!threat!excitement! into their opening lines, whereas this one has just the right amount. I'd definitely read on.
The third one is interesting.
I like the fourth one, but that's because I'm a sucker for *good* location-description in fiction. I'm one of those people who loved the crazy infodumping in China Miéville's Perdido Street Station.
The fifth one is good. My only crit is that "to see to track" sounds a little jarring, and could perhaps be rephrased if you can think of something smoother. It's not critical, but it did stick out a little so I thought I'd mention.
In all, I'd say yours do the job well.
And, hi! I've read two of your short stories (Through the Obsidian Gates and Calling the Unicorn) and enjoyed them very much. Both featured strong, relateable characters, and the former especially had a really interesting setting and plot.
The ending of the latter definitely wasn't predictable, at least not entirely (her brother's fate I guessed, the unicorn's I didn't). And in the former, well, I read enough stories where the characters don't get what they want that I didn't find a happy ending predictable. Sahague had to work for it as well, which is very important; she'd earnt the ending. And it wasn't a totally perfect ending, either.
I really can't think of any advice on the character-plot balance, I'm afraid. :(
March 1 2007, 06:48:04 UTC 5 years ago
I was afraid it might be too much when I first wrote it, but clearly I was mistaken.
And, hi! I've read two of your short stories (Through the Obsidian Gates and Calling the Unicorn) and enjoyed them very much. Both featured strong, relateable characters, and the former especially had a really interesting setting and plot.
Hi! I'm glad you liked those stories you read; Through the Obsidian Gates remains to this day one of my favorite short stories, so it's nice to know it comes across pretty strongly.
And I've rewritten the unicorn entirely to make the ending less predictable, so am I glad that worked :)
I really can't think of any advice on the character-plot balance, I'm afraid. :(
That's okay. I think it's one of those things I have to work out for myself anyway. :) Thanks!
Anonymous
March 1 2007, 03:49:55 UTC 5 years ago
City/Swan - immediately chilling.
Bargain/Blood - Catches my interest.
butterfly - doesn't work for me.
Xuyan - Makes me want to read the next sentence.
- Rick Novy
March 1 2007, 06:45:43 UTC 5 years ago
March 1 2007, 09:42:13 UTC 5 years ago
City of the Swan - yep, that's a hook, though it is an "I woke up..." beginning, of which I tend to be very cautious.
Bargain and Blood - that is, indeed, your standard "default" opening.
Butterfly - a setting hook, with the "Mexica/Fenliu" dichotomy provoking interest
Bride - a very standard PI opening.
But don't read too much into that. There is MUCH more to a hook than the first sentence. There are thirteen(ish) lines to a hook, and often it's at the end of a paragraph, or a paragraph switch, that'll do the job for you.
Good meme. I'll play later...
March 1 2007, 17:23:44 UTC 5 years ago
I always thought the "I woke up" hooks are discouraged because you usually go on to the trivial things the character starts doing afterwards (brushing teeth...), or move onto nothing. (not that I think a lot about not using "I woke up beginnings).
Both "Butterfly" and "Bride" actually have setting hooks (but "Bride"'s hook is at the end of the paragraph).
I'm not reading anything into it--just doing it for fun.
March 1 2007, 22:31:41 UTC 5 years ago
1, lol! yes, that one might need a re-think.
I'm not so sure, I don't think this is as big a problem of yuor writing as you seem to think. It may not be standard hooky-fare, but it does intrigue and interest and pretty much all of them puts one straight into the story. I always read several para's to pages before I decide on a story, slow starts I don't mind. Middles where my attention wanders and endings that go splat - now that's a bigger problem for me.
These are decent, good enough, IMO (except 1)
>I'm not reading anything into it--just doing it for fun.
hehe, yes it is fun! something otu of the ordinary; am having fun to go around and read people's openings!
March 2 2007, 06:38:43 UTC 5 years ago
I always read several para's to pages before I decide on a story, slow starts I don't mind
I always have this nasty suspicion that editors don't really read more than a page before tossing my stories in the trash ;)
March 2 2007, 07:47:28 UTC 5 years ago
March 2 2007, 10:03:13 UTC 5 years ago
Hooks aren't necessary for readers. But they probably are for editors.
March 3 2007, 11:45:03 UTC 5 years ago
Also, there are now a lot of things competing for our attention--TV, movies, etc.
(if you really want to take "changing times" further away, try to read the first pages of a Jane Austen novel. I don't think it was a hook even at the time to list the genealogy of the MCs...)